The Absinthe Monologue
Dr Rotecode: You’re pissed von Grellgrün. (The Cad screams…) now then where was I? Ah yes…
Absinthe: named after the ‘Grande Absinthe’ wormwood plant - Latin name artemisia absinthium - form which the tincture is distilled. Itself deriving from the Latin absinthium, which is in turn a stylization of the Greek apsínthion ironicaly meaning “undrinkable”.
Henrietta Hockensgurgle! I don’t care what you’re chewing lass but please be so kind as to either spit it out or swallow it. Rest assured you’re continued mastication within my classroom will not be tolerated for very much longer… Thank you.
The ‘Holy Trinity’ of grande wormwood, green anise and florance fennel are further infused with Artemisia pontica, Ian hyssop, star anise, melissa and Trevor the magic shrub.
Following an initial pre-fermentation carbonic maceration of the afore mentioned herbs, post infusion distillation produces a colorless distillate that leaves the alembic at around 82% ABV, 164 proof or 3.17395 George Best’s per Cubic Fluid Meter. Although this strength varies between the ordinaire, demi-fine, fine, supérieure, derrière and Suisse blends.
Malcolm MacAtoot McTavish McGonnavile hands on the table where I can see them lad! A brisk round of pocket billiards may be a more than enjoyable sporting past time but please refrain from competing quite so vigirously whitin class. And wash yer hands before next period you mucky beast.
The distinctive green colouration from which La Feé Verte derives its coloquial name comes from steeping further quantites of artemisia pontica romanus within the solute to progenate large natural quantities of the chlorin pigment known as Chlorophyllotion, Chlorofelatio, Chloro-fluro-lye-hee-Chloro-flu-hye-ahe or Chlorophyll to the layman.
Among the more “active ingredients” of a quality absinthe are alcohol, fenchone, gerin oil, Robert Killroy-Silk and thujone.
Do pay attention Naesmith Catpractice III. There will be a test later.
Thujone is both a ketone and a monoterpene that exists in two distinctive stereoisomeric forms: the more reactive +3 or α-thujone and -3 or β-thujone. These isomers occur within artemisia absinthium in an approximate 1:2 ratio and smell faintly of tectonic plates and menthol… hmm tectonic plates. Thujone also shares a similar molecular structure to menthol, a-pinene, eucalyptol, Chuck-norris-tanium, camphor and other monoterpenes.
Thujone is a gamma-aminobutyric acid receptor antagonist and was once thought to act on the cannabinoid receptors in a similar manner to tetrahydrocannabinol or THC. By inhibiting G A B A G A B A Hey hey ho lets go Sheena is a punk rocker don’t cha know Blitzgrieg Pop receptor activation, neurons may fire without obligation. This in turn slightly alters function of the right premotor cortex, left cerebral peduncle, primary aloysius-snuffleupagus lobe and the three principal subarachnoid cisternæ resulting in increased visuomotor association, serotonergic propagation, cross-synapsial affectation and the appearance of bright green faeries!
Faeries manifest as a perceptionary illusion,
Within the confines of metacognitive delusion.
When the neurotransmitter dopamine causes confusion,
Through the peduncle tract with pseudo-sensory intrusion.
This results in daylight hallucination,
Directed by the whim of your bright green libation,
A “lucid drunk” as described in quotation,
When Absinthe is imbibed outwith moderation.
And thoes who claim the Faeries don’t exist,
Have never been sufficiently pissed.
To see them rising through the louching mist,
For once manifest, deamons forever persist.
And they sing and bite and throw and chuck,
And hop and skip and blow and suck.
And they dance and they drink and they fight and they fuck,
They cause confusion, they run amock!!!
For our delight, you see, is to entertain,
The addled, inebriates, sodden brain.
And when you, sober, dismiss our domain,
Receed you back to worlds mundane…
Class dismissed!
As the doctor retreats the cad straightens up…
Cad: Well, that didn’t help one bit... cheers?
